Its been over 20 years since I bought my first high end solid sex doll from a well know manufacturer in the USA, and I figured it was about time to share my personal journey with sex dolls.

At this point in my life I had a relationship that fell apart and left me wounded and upset with women in general, But I still wanted companionship and intimacy in my life, and not the emotional attachment and time commitments of a relationship.  When my 3rd blow up doll blew out like a birthday balloon, I started to think there has to be "solid sex dolls" sold somewhere.... I was innocently browsing sex dolls on the internet, when suddenly on my screen, there it was, the most realistic sexy silicon lady I had ever seen. I could even have this ideal lover customized in numerous ways. It stood 5 feet tall, had an amazing ass and nice perky D Cup titties, the doll passed the instant boner test. That was it, I was sold, and $3000 later - I was picking it up at Fedex a month later. I remember , it was August 5th in the morning when the depot opened.

That evening I was struggling with learning how to put clothes on it, perfecting it's hair. Trying to ignore the cold silicone skin and creepy stare it had looking at me. It's was not easy, and truthfully it smelled. I don't wanna leave anything out, so I am going to give you all the details here, no matter how embarrassing it is. I talked dirty, I kissed it, and caressed the breasts and buttocks like a horny goat gone wild. The whole time the doll just stood there with that crazy open mouth cock sucking stare across the room ignoring me. I slowly undressed it, and carried it to the bedroom (shit - this doll was heavy). I laid it down on the bed and thrust the legs forward and apart and climbed aboard. Condom on, I got my rocks off in less than 5 minutes (Ok, 5 minutes is a lie, there was a lot of pent up foreplay and it had been awhile). The doll lay there, legs in the air, wig half cocked on its head and arms bent in weird formations, I had fucked the rubber brains out of this thing.  I looked down and had a feeling of embarrassment and shame for paying so much money for something I just wanted to stick my dick in. But it still looked hot, and that was a lot of fun.

Ok, that's done, lets try sleeping and cuddling and see how that goes. Next morning it was like waking up next to the walking dead. This hulking hunk of cold rubber. One eye is looking one way , the other another. So now it's a crazy hunk of rubber, fingers and feet twisted and going all wonky unnatural directions, wow, freaky.....

Still, I am not going to give up just yet, so I straighten it out .. and will try again. This is not a body that will assist you in the positioning process, but I eventually got it up in Doggy position, grab another condom and got busy. Did the sex get any better? Humm, that was not as much fun as I hoped. This day began with mediocre sex, yes the "urge" was gone, and while it's kneeing on my bed, I'm starting to wonder if this was a great idea. I realized right then and there I was not mentally  prepared for how realistic this high end sex dolls was, it felt weird being next to a very realistic looking body, yet it was not alive. But.. that ass sticking up in the air was so sexy.

When I get home from work that day, I felt I need to try a lot harder to make this "relationship" and expensive purchase work. Maybe I need an emotional connection? Should I name "her"? Or do I keep having anonymous sexual encounters? Sometimes when you really need help the internet never seems to have the answers. So I pulled out my old dirty nudie magazines.... it's late, I'm tired, I'm hard, and I'm thinking this time it will be fun. So now this time I am going bare back, and grab the Vaseline. For the first time .. the sparks fly and a deep organism happens. I totally enjoyed that sex .. and now I wonder how the heck to get all my little sperms out of this thing. I spend a half hour scrubbing, swabbing, douching with warm water, apply baby powder…all while managing to move 50lbs of dead weight around. Whew, now I was wondering if it is really clean. It made me feel like a serial killer.

After that I start to feel a little ... disgusted and ashamed with myself. I bought a very expensive sex toy, that's hard to hide from my friends and family, trying to find some quick solution to my loneliness, have I given up? I realize it looks like a cartoon character, her boobs are too big for her waist, and hips. I am banging a comic book character. These feelings push me over the edge, and I pick the doll up (uggh there goes my back) and shove it under my bed, and wrap it in a blanket for extra concealment. This is where it sat for a week. What was I going to do with this thing?

Still a week later this life-sized rubber sex doll under my bed left me feeling like a creepy old man, and the feeling of being ashamed continues. I search the internet an discover THE DOLL FORUM, and spend hours reading about other doll owners lives with their dolls (some of those dudes need mental help), but many of these people are regular guys next door, some of them name and talk to their dolls and they are companions. Well, I'm still lonely. So I will try that, maybe I will feel like an idiot. I give "her" a name now, and I have a creative imagination, but sitting there on the couch watching TV with "Dolly" and trying to have a conversation with her was awkward, and leaves me feeling like a complete loser. But the sex with "Her" was starting to be fun.

Then I read an article on THE DOLL FORUM about another mans experience with his sex dolls, he too felt the same way I was. The way to success is knowledge I learned, and I scoured this website for all I could digest. I ran to the department store, and bought some fancy kinky warming KY Jelly, perfume, flavored lip balm, and more sexy underwear. It's worth a shot .. and that night I did it with the doll. Holy cow, I have not had an orgasm like that in years!This time it was awesome. Two more times in the next hour, and damn this is great, I'm not gonna stop. And that's where I am now - 20 years later.

Sure that first doll is long gone, but the biggest thing she taught me was to get over my insecurities, and that I need to be comfortable with my sexuality, and that "Traditional Norms" have no place in my private life and my bedroom. She taught me that my personal sex life, even with a sex doll, is my choice. Sure I wanted to keep it private, but there was no need to be ashamed or embarrassed. I did not give up, my personal life went on, and I had tons of sex with that doll, sometimes many times a day, life was good. She taught me how to handle the weight, techniques to move her around smoothly during play time from one position to another, how to maintain her and keep her looking as new as possible.

When the time came for Dolly and I to separated. She was nice not to take half my shit, nor did I need to pay any spousal support, she just disappeared with no emotional drama and stress. Sure she was a little well worn and had eyelashes missing, tears in the silicone under her arms and groin, and had wires sticking out of her hands, but she was still crazy hot to me.

I think the guy that made the first sex doll must have been like myself and so many other guys when he laid next to his realistic first sex doll in bed. Sometimes guys want unlimited sex, fulfillment of fantasies, sex without the STDs or worried of pregnancy, or just a surrogate companion to help them out threw a dry threw a spell,  or simply want to try something different. Modern high end sex dolls like I sell here on SEX DOLL RANCH, offer guys that choice of experiencing the greener grass on the other side of the fence. But we need to realize it's not going to be perfect, but life can be good. I think most first time sex doll purchasers will need to go threw this mental preparation, as these dolls are very very attractive and realistic to lay next to in bed, but are not alive. The hardest part I found was letting go of my embarrassment, and adjusting to having so much sex with something that had no name and something I had no personal connection with.

I hope this all didn't scare you! This journey was worth embarking on for myself.